Self-destructive behaviors, Volume II

10 beers
3 bloody marys but they were doubles, so 6
a bloody maria
5 bottles of white wine
2 bottles of gin
4 margaritas
2 dirty martinis
a double gin and tonic
another double gin and tonic
many swigs of vodka
3 glasses of whiskey and water
A couple gins
2 bottles worth of red wine
2 more margaritas
A bottle of champagne
A Modelo and a couple more
Another Modelo
A couple gin drinks
A couple more gin drinks
Absinthe
Another glass or two of white wine
Tequila shots
Another bloody mary
Some craft beers
3 bottles of vermouth
Another bottle of white wine just to be on the safe side

That’s everything I’ve drank since you left.
You’re the sober one.

You’re the one who’s free.